He Tells Funny Jokes Frequently Spanish Translaton
 | Spanish JokesWelcome to the Spanish Pronto joke page!Each joke includes an English translation after each Spanish judgement. Y'all will probably learn more than Spanish, though, by not scrolling down to the translation until yous accept washed your best to interpret the Spanish yourself. And then that you lot might notice : ) when it is existence used, verbs in the subjunctive mood have been highlighted with boldface type. For more helpful information for learning more than Spanish, see the Castilian Pronto! main page. |
Chistes
Jokes
This one's mine (© 2016):Intentaba escoger un champú y vi que casi todos decían "no se ha probado en animales".
I was trying to cull a shampoo and I noticed that almost all of them said "has non been tested on animals."
�Con razón he visto tantos animales con el pelo rebelde!
No wonder I have seen then many animals with bad hair!
The post-obit jokes I found on the joke pages of Ciudad Futura (http://www.ciudadfutura.com), a former Spanish-language Internet customs. These jokes are some of the better (and cleaner) ones from a couple Ciudad Futura pages which, unfortunately, no longer be.
¿Has oído el caso de ese fugitivo que secuestró united nations autobús de turistas japoneses?
Have you heard about the case of that fugitive who held hostage a busload of Japanese tourists?
La policía tiene five.000 fotos suyas.
The constabulary have 5,000 pictures of him.
Note to young people: Once upon a fourth dimension, before, say, almost late 2004 (see Nokia 6820), when cameras started appearing widely in mass-market cell phones, the only way to take pictures was with an actual photographic camera, and the only time you saw a whole crowd of people who each had their own camera around their cervix was when you saw a group of tourists from Japan. Now yous know.)
Hay tres clases de personas:
At that place are three kinds of people:
las que saben contar y las que no.
those who know how to count, and those who don't.
El doc llama por teléfono a su paciente:
The doctor calls his patient by telephone:
- Vera, tengo una noticia buena y otra mala.
"Vera, I have good news and bad news."
- Bueno... dígame primero la buena.
"Well then, . . . tell me the good news first."
- Los resultados del análisis indican que le quedan 24 horas de vida.
"The results of the assay indicate that you accept 24 hours left to live."
- Pero, bueno, ¿eso es la buena noticia? ¿Entonces cuál es la mala?
"Well, that'due south the good news? So what's the bad news?"
- Que llevo intentando localizarle desde ayer.
"That I have been trying to reach yous since yesterday."
Unos tíos están subidos a un árbol cuando les ve united nations policía.
Some guys are up in a tree when a policeman sees them.
- Pero, bueno, ¿ustedes qué hacen ahí? Venga hombres, bajen. ¡No ocean que se caigan y se rompan algo!
"Well, what are yous all doing there? Come up on men, come up downwardly. Allow'south not have any of you falling and breaking something!"
Y cuando llegan al suelo...
And when they attain the ground . . .
- A ver, ¿ustedes quiénes son?
"O.One thousand. now, who are you lot?"
-¡Pucha, qué memoria! ¡Los del árbol!
"Geez, what a retention! The ones from the tree!"
- Jo, tío, me acabo de comprar un aparato para la sordera que es una maravilla. Me lo puedo meter en la oreja y nadie se da cuenta.
"Hey, man, I have simply bought myself an help for deafness that is a wonder. I can put it in my ear and nobody realizes it."
- Jo, ¡qué cosas...! ¿y cuánto te ha costado?
"Huh, what things [will they call up of next]! And how much did information technology price yous?"
- Las dos y cuarto.
"A quarter past two."
Note to young people: Back before Douglas Adams mocked humans for being "ape-descended life forms [who] are so amazingly primitive that they even so think digital watches are a pretty smashing idea" (digital watches came into widespread employ about 1976), watches were that analog kind you even so might not be able to read (tsk, tsk). A quarter past 2 (the minute hand ane quarter of the fashion effectually the clock confront from its position at ii o'clock [i.e., having moved from the 12 to the iii]) ways 2:15. A quarter till 2 (a quarter of the circumvolve remaining for the infinitesimal hand to travel before information technology is two o'clock [i.eastward., at the 9 on the way to the 12]) ways one:45. Half by two means two:thirty. Before digital watches, these were mutual ways to respond to someone's question almost what time it was. Nobody much cared to say 2:08 (peradventure "a little past two" or "nearly a quarter by").
Un paciente entra en la consulta del médico.
A patient enters the doctor's role.
Medico: - ¿Qué es lo que le ha traído por aquí?
Doc: "What is it that'south brought you here?"
Paciente - Una ambulancia, ¿por qué?
Patient: "An ambulance. Why?"
Se encuentran dos amigos.
Two friends see each other.
- Oye, macho, ¡tengo un pato que habla!
"Hey [mind], human being, I have a duck that talks!"
- 'Amos [vamos], hombre, no digas tonterías.
"Come up on, human, don't say stupid things."
- Que sí, ya verás. Ven a mi casa y lo ves.
"But it'southward true, you lot'll meet. Come to my firm and you'll run into it."
Llegan a la casa, abren la puerta y aparece un pato.
They arrive at the house, open the door, and a duck appears.
- A ver. Pato, tráeme una corbata.
"Watch. Duck, bring me a tie."
- Cuaaa!
"Dishonest!"
- Pst... la de rayas misma!
"Geez . . . the striped i! [Cuál = Which?]
Una cigüeña está en su nido con su hijo, que está llorando:
A stork is in her nest with her son, who is crying:
- Mamá, mamá, buah, ¿dónde está papá, snif?
"Mom, Mom, waaaa, where is Dad? Sniff."
- Hijo, tranquilízate, no pasa nada. Está haciendo feliz a la panadera llevándole un niño.
"Son, calm downwards, nothing [bad] is happening. He is making the baker happy, bringing her a son."
La noche siguiente es el padre el que está solo en el nido con la cría, que está llorando otra vez.
The side by side night it is the father who is alone in the nest with the baby, who is crying once more.
- Buah, papá, papá, buah, ¿dónde está mamáaaa...!
"Waaaa, Dad, Dad, waaaa, where is Mom...?!
- Deja de llorar, chico, si no pasa cipher. Se ha ido a llevar alegría a casa del alcalde...
"Stop crying, boy, because aught [bad] is happening. She has gone to bring joy to the mayor'south business firm. . .
La siguiente noche, el padre y la madre están preocupadísimos en el nido esperando al pollo, que aparece con cara alegre.
The next dark, the father and the mother are worried ill in the nest waiting for the chick, who appears with a happy confront.
- Pero, bueno, ¿qué pasa? ¿Dónde estabas?
"Well, what's happening? Where were y'all?"
- Nah, no pasa nada. Le estaba dando un susto a una estudiante...
Nah, zippo'due south happening. I was giving a scare to a student. . .
Un tío ingresa en un hospital para hacerse una pequeña operación.
A guy enters a infirmary to take a modest performance.
Una enfermera empieza a tomarle los datos; el nombre, la compañía del seguro, etcétera.
A nurse begans to take down his data: proper name, insurance visitor, etc.
- En caso de emergencia, ¿a quién avisamos?
"In example of emergency, whom should we notify?"
- ¿Quiere decir si estoy a punto de morirme?
"Do you hateful if I am only almost to dice?"
- Bueno... sí...
"Well . . . yes . . ."
- En ese caso, ¡llame corriendo a un medico!
"In that case, run and phone call a doctor!"
A united nations pueblo del oeste llega una carreta y un tío con pinta de charlatán empieza a hacer propaganda de una poción, que supuestamente le conserva joven a pesar de que tiene trescientos años.
To a town in the west there arrives a wagon and a guy who seems like a charlatan begins to annunciate a potion, which supposedly keeps him young despite [the fact] that he is three hundred years old.
United nations campesino se acerca dudando a uno de sus ayudantes.
A farmer, having doubts, approaches ane of his administration.
- Oiga, y de verdad que este tío ha vivido trescientos años?
"Hey, is it really true that this guy has lived 3 hundred years?"
- Mire, no lo sé, yo solo llevo doscientos trabajando con él.
"Look, I don't know, I take simply worked with him for 2 hundred."
Un policía detiene a un transeúnte y le dice:
A policeman detains a transient and says to him:
- A ver, usted, deme el nombre.
"Let'south meet, yous, requite me your proper noun."
- ¡Sí, hombre! ¡Y entonces cómo me llamo?
"Yeah, right! And then what would I call myself?!"
- Doc, doctor, el pelo se me está cayendo. ¿Me puede dar algo para conservarlo?
"Doctor, doctor, my hair is falling out on me. Can you lot give me something to keep it?"
- Sí, claro. Aquí tiene una caja de zapatos.
"Yeah, of grade. Here's a shoe box."
- Doc, doc, ¿qué tal ha ido el parto?
"Doctor, doctor, how did the birth go?"
- Bueno, todo muy bien, pero a su hijo le hemos tenido que poner oxígeno.
"Well, everything very well, but we have had to put on your son [put your son on] oxygen." [ponerle = "put on him "]
- ¿¿Oxígeno?? Con la ilusión que a mí me hacía ponerle Federico...
"Oxygen?? And later on my heart was so assail calling him Federico . . . " [ponerle = "name him"]
- Doctor, doc, tengo tendencias suicidas, ¿qué hago?
"Physician, md, I accept suicidal tendencies. What should I do?"
- Págueme ya mismo.
"Pay me this instant."
- Doctor, doctor, no puedo recordar nada.
"Doctor, doc, I tin't remember annihilation."
- Vaya, y desde cuando tiene usted este problema?
"Wow, and how long have you had this problem?"
- ¿Qué problema?
"What problem?"
- Medico, physician, me he roto el brazo en varios sitios.
Doctor, doctor, I have broken my arm in several places."
- Pues yo de usted no volvería a esos sitios.
"Well, if I were y'all, I wouldn't go dorsum to those places."
- Md, doctor, veo elefantes azules por todas partes.
"Doc, doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere."
- ¿Ha visto ya a un psicólogo ?
"Take you seen a psychologist all the same?"
- No, solo elefantes azules.
"No, only blue elephants."
- ¿Me das tu teléfono?
"Volition yous requite me your phone [number]?"
- Sí, hombre, ¿y con qué llamo a mis amigos?
"Yes, correct! And then how would I call my friends?"
Una tía entra en una lencería.
A lady enters a lingerie store.
- Buenas, ¿me podría probar ese sujetador, el rojo, en el escaparate?
"How-do-you-do, could I endeavour on that bra, the cherry-red one, in the window?"
- Claro que puede, ¿pero no sería mejor que se lo probase en el probador?
"Of course you lot can, but wouldn't it be better if y'all tried it on in the dressing room?"
En la panadería:
In the bakery:
- Me da una barra de pan.
"Give me a loaf of staff of life."
- Tendrá que ser duro. [duro = stale, tough]
"It will have to exist dried."
Le trinca por la solapa, le da un par de bofetadas y le die:
- ¡¡¡¡Me da una barra de pan!!!!
He picks him up by the lapels, gives him a couple slaps and says:
"Give me a loaf of bread!!!!"
[This joke relies on the customer's misinterpretation of "Tendrá que ser duro." (i.e., Y'all will have to be tough.)]
Esto es un misionero que está en plena selva y se encuentra de bruces con un león que estaba casi muerto de hambre.
This one is a missionary who is in the middle of the jungle and finds himself face to face with a panthera leo who was most expressionless from hunger.
El misionero se asusta y se pone de rodillas. Empezando a rezar dice:
The missionary becomes frightened and kneels. Outset to pray, he says:
- Padre, infunde a este pobre león sentimientos cristianos.
"Male parent, fill this poor lion with Christian feeling."
...Se oye un silencio...
. . . A silence is heard . . .
y de buenas a primeras el león se pone de rodillas, diciendo:
- Padre, bendice estos alimentos que voy a recibir...
and all of a sudden the lion kneels, maxim:
"Father, anoint this food which I am about to receive . . ."
URL for this page:http://world wide web.spanishpronto.com/spanishpronto/jokes.html
More than helpful information for learning more Spanish at: Castilian Pronto! main folio.
Created -- 2000-03-xiv
Revised -- 2021-05-x
Source: http://spanishpronto.com/spanishpronto/jokes.html
0 Response to "He Tells Funny Jokes Frequently Spanish Translaton"
Post a Comment