The Same Shit Over and Over Again Dude
Regurgitate the same tired bull shit over and over again.
How I made blah blah blah on Medium.
Don't waste your time with original content at least not here. You have to give the public what they want. So what does the public want? I'll list a few examples of the patterns that I have seen that seem to be successful. There are a few tried and true titles that you have to use to get peoples attention. Make sure that these are never original and have been used hundreds of times.
How I made X amount of money on Medium. Aw yes, this one is the gold standard! This is always a great one. I have seen dozens if not hundreds of these articles. How many are true and how many have doctored screen shots I have no idea, but it gets the reads as well as claps. I've been here for several months now and have somewhere around 16 articles and I think so far I have earned about $6.00. I wonder how much attention my next article would gather when it reads How I made $6.00 in four months on Medium? Come to thank of it, it actually wouldn't do any worse.
What I learned by… This can be damn near anything. We all want to learn now don't we? It could be What I learned from living with feral wiener dogs for a year. What I learned by only eating with a plastic spork for three weeks. What I learned by getting out of bed at exactly 7:45am every day for three months. What I learned by not paying those parking tickets.
How ( fill in the blank) changed my life. This too can be pretty much anything. How mocking articles on Medium changed my life. How wearing my socks on the wrong feet for six months changed my life. How eating nothing but headcheese and slim molds for six months changed my life. How soaking my feet in polar bear pee for three months changed my life. How trying to steal a cops gun changed my life. Just make sure that the changes are always positive changes of course. The general public is too emotionally immature to read less than positive things. We're always looking for a quick easy fix for something as long as it's no longer than a six minute read of course. At minute seven we're back to checking our social media accounts for important updates.
How to write better articles about writing articles on Medium. Come to think of it maybe I should read a few more of those…
Vague, flabby, ambiguous motivational tripe. These always make us feel all warm and fuzzy…
You can do it! Set your mind to it! Be positive! Push away that stinkin' thinkin'! You've got this! Clear your mind, do some stretches, eat bland tasteless foods! Shove some yogurt up you ass and have another person stick a crazy straw up your butt and blow bubbles! You'll be at peace with yourself, the world, you have a article that goes viral in less than a week, and be able to have a stronger spiritual bond with squirrels whether you like it or not.
Wildly successful at being unsuccessful
It takes years of dedication, hard work, and experience. This is my claim to fame thus far on this platform.
Now we'll take a look at some of the clever original content that the public avoids like the snotty nosed fat kid on the school bus. (Sorry, not sorry Freddy. Keep a handkerchief with you!)
Let these be used only as examples of what not to do!
How to be a successful panhandler | by Mad Ramblings | The Haven | Medium
How raisins ruined my life. or… Raisin hell! He was such a happy… | by Mad Ramblings | The Haven | Feb, 2021 | Medium
I published a book…so yeah.. I'm the co-author and this is what I… | by Mad Ramblings | The Haven | Jan, 2021 | Medium
Money isn't important when there's plenty of it. | by Mad Ramblings | The Haven | Feb, 2021 | Medium
Stop calling me Peloton. It's really starting to piss me off… | by Mad Ramblings | The Haven | Feb, 2021 | Medium
Why it's okay to take a vacation alone | by Mad Ramblings | Writers' Blokke | Feb, 2021 | Medium
Those are just a few articles that you should never try to mimic. It will only bring you great sadness, pain, boils on your butt, and most likely acne. The public has no need or desire to be entertained, and they take comfort in rereading the same things over and over again. It's like that old pair of comfortable shoes that you just can't throw out, or that condom that fits so well that even though used it's hard to part ways with.
I expected very little and have received much less
While I write this my hands are overflowing with empty. So what have we learned? That's what we're working to achieve right? Every article needs to provide value to the reader to be successful. This is what I have read time and time again. That the reader needs to feel that they will take something away from the article. They will find out how to do something better, make more money, learn how to make ceramic monkeys to sell to tourists, properly reuse toenail clippings, and the like. Silly me… I placed value on laughter.
Source: https://medium.com/the-haven/regurgitate-the-same-tired-bull-shit-over-and-over-again-40d3ad2e6cce
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